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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
it doesnt have any profanity or dirty pics and my wife thought it was funny too so i hope it does't offend anyone


Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy

all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How

about I send you a f***ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm

giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell. Santa


Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year,and the only thing I ask for is

peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa


Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for

my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,


Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a

hurricane. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa


Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left

carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face

when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of

scotch. Santa


Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy

making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where


spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking

myself silly while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.



Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please

PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Dear Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap

doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa


Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our

house? Love, Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky" that's why you're getting your


kicked at school. Second you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent

apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars

do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
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