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Senior Member
7,097 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Ok more of a riddle...

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French Kitchen?

Linoleum Blownaparte! :D :D :D

2,158 Posts
Mike....weren't you the one starting this at Goodnoes' too??? :D


FFCobra Master Craftsman
8,694 Posts
St. Patrick's Day Joke

Drunken Joe O'Grady staggers into a Catholic church outside of Dublin and eventually finds his way to the confessional box. He goes in, sits down on the kneeler and says nothing. The priest coughs a few times through the screen to get his attention but Joe just sits there. Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall. Drunken Joe mumbles, "ain't no use in knockin, there's no paper on this side either".

Classic Format Fan
834 Posts
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat
following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only
deliver only one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out..
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"..
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately the entire sea turned into the
finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.....
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the
stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick, whose wish had been granted....
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke
"Nice going Patrick!! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!"


Just Glad to be here - back to working on the car
1,633 Posts
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36." Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

ALWAYS get a second opinion.

:D :eek:
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